Feet are weird when you see them close up. You never really spend a lot of time having a close look at your feet, because they’re all the way at the other end of you. Whenever my feet get near my face I’m always surprised to find they’re so much bigger than I thought they were.

AUSTRALIA, ARE YOU ONLINE? WAKE UP AND PAY ATTENTION TO ME. What are you doing in the month of June, my friends? What are you doing on the 27th of June at 6:30pm at the Dendy in Newtown?  If you answered, “WHY, ZIO, I’M COMING TO SEE FERRIS BUELLER WITH YOU AND MUMP!” then you are CORRECT and you should respond accordingly so I know you are coming. Allons-y!  View high resolution

AUSTRALIA, ARE YOU ONLINE? WAKE UP AND PAY ATTENTION TO ME.

What are you doing in the month of June, my friends? What are you doing on the 27th of June at 6:30pm at the Dendy in Newtown? 

If you answered, “WHY, ZIO, I’M COMING TO SEE FERRIS BUELLER WITH YOU AND MUMP!” then you are CORRECT and you should respond accordingly so I know you are coming. Allons-y! 

(Source: misskayvee)

(Reblogged from fuckyeahbritishcomedy)

I’m not like a regular dad, I’m an emotionally absent deadbeat dad.

Good morning, I have glued my feet inside of my ugg boots.

(Source: blanditiafe)

(Reblogged from watchingthenightsky)
Oh, that is the one thing I have always hoped for in life. An unfilled sponge slab. This is a broken home of a cake. You buy this cake at eleven at night, after you finish your twelve hour shift, before coming home to find a note from your spouse saying they’ve left you. You sit at the kitchen table and break off big dry chunks of slab with your bare hands, before dipping them in undiluted whiskey and shoving them unthinkingly into your mouth while you stare at the wall. You leave the half-eaten cake on the table and crawl into bed for two days.  View high resolution

Oh, that is the one thing I have always hoped for in life. An unfilled sponge slab. This is a broken home of a cake. You buy this cake at eleven at night, after you finish your twelve hour shift, before coming home to find a note from your spouse saying they’ve left you. You sit at the kitchen table and break off big dry chunks of slab with your bare hands, before dipping them in undiluted whiskey and shoving them unthinkingly into your mouth while you stare at the wall. You leave the half-eaten cake on the table and crawl into bed for two days. 

Why do witches always equip you with a curse that lets you know for sure that your love is true.

(Source: toadelevatingmoment)

(Reblogged from busterkeatons)