The dog next door doesn't like me very much.
It’s a wee little black poodle, and it’s at home alone all day, so it’s bored out of its skull, and whenever I step outside it expresses itself by standing at the fence and barking at me, because I am strange and dangerous.
I’ve discovered, though, that because my neighbours watch a lot of Top Gear, it’s quite comforted by Jeremy Clarkson’s voice. So now, whenever I step outside, I take my laptop with me, playing Top Gear, and it quiets right down. I think it genuinely believes that whenever Jeremy Clarkson isn’t in its house, he spends his time in my backyard.
