I was vacuuming the bathroom just now, when I accidentally knocked the toilet roll off the counter. I swung around to catch it, forgetting that I was holding the vacuum in my hand. The pipe of the vacuum just happened to perfectly catch the end of the toilet roll, and that was it. Nothing I could do. Before it hit the ground, in front of my very eyes, half a roll of toilet paper just disappeared into the vacuum with a satisfying “ptthb” noise. The suction of the vacuum cleaner kept the roll spinning neatly in mid-air until the deed was done and the empty cardboard tube clattered sadly onto the floor, stripped of its flesh.
If I had to summarise exactly what kind of terrible friend I am, I think I would have to refer you to the number of times I have broken into sweet-jane-approximately’s house and taken photos of her sleeping.