Showing posts tagged doctor who

Sure, it’s easy to find the Doctor in WWII London by scanning for him, but he visits there so often there’s no guarantee that you’re going to find the right Doctor. 

Likewise, if you’re scanning for alien tech during the Blitz, you’re going to turn up one or two surprises. First of all, you’re going to suddenly discover that the air everywhere is filled with nanogenes, thus solving the mystery of the gas mask people an episode and a half early, which is good news, because you don’t have to spend all that time hanging out with Rose and the Doctor, developing a moral compass and eventually getting killed and unkilled for the rest of your life! Pluswise, you’re also going to find daleks, Chronosteel, Spitfires with the potential for spaceflight and a robot who thinks he’s a man. 

And finally, Jack will probably end up finding himself, since he strongly implies that the con he’s currently running frequently brings him to London at the height of the Blitz. Additionally, the year is 1941, so he and Tosh are also out there, somewhere, meeting the original Jack Harkness and hiding out in an air raid shelter with him. PLUS, the immortal version of Jack had to get back to the 21st century the long way ‘round, by living through everything post-1869, and if you’re telling me that a man hell-bent on meeting the Doctor isn’t going to turn up in WII London, where he knows for a fact the Doctor will eventually be, then I’m not sure we’re both ready to discuss this subject. 

I love how angry Ten gets whenever there’s an implication that there might be another Time Lord. 

I’M THE LAST

SILLY LITTLE CAUCASIAN GIRL 

LIKES TO PLAY WITH SAMURAI SWORDS 

Big, boiling, Doctor-melty, dawn-of-the-world-y environment. Doctor needs special futuristic spacesuit in order to survive a few seconds out there, despite the fact that the Doctor has been shown to survive both prolonged exposure to radiation and the heat from within Vesuvius itself.

Unprotected 1970s camera containing 1970s film is more durable than the Doctor, apparently. 

So, the TARDIS translates for you, right? Which is why Leela and Nefertiti and Jamie (to mention three very specific companions chosen after much thought in order to illustrate my point) could all hypothetically have a conversation quite cheerfully without ever having to learn Sevateemian or ancient Egyptian or Scottish. The TARDIS just translates quick as you like, and everyone goes on their merry way.

But there are gaps between languages. Everyone knows that. I have a friend who is frequently frustrated at having to use a lengthy English phrase to explain a single Chinese word. And there’s famously no English word for “toska”. Which is fine, because I think we’re already having enough trouble with ennui. 

In addition, we know that the TARDIS translation matrix has gaps of its own. It doesn’t translate circular Gallifreyan, for example, although I wasn’t listening closely when they handwaved that away, so I can’t really factor it into my thought process. (I suppose it makes sense in that Time Lords read and write Gallifreyan, and they probably weren’t expecting quite so many non-Time Lords to be making such extensive use of their TARDISes, so why would they program in a translation for their own native language? “TARDIS! PLEASE TRANSLATE THIS GALLIFREYAN INTO GALLIFREYAN!” But on the other hand, doesn’t it work on brainwaves, like a Babel fish? It must do. It wouldn’t make sense for them to program each individual language in the universe, because we live in a realm of infinite possibilities. They would have to have engineers working literally forever to manually get that done. OHO NO WAIT! I have talked myself into a position that I can now argue the point of circular Gallifreyan from so it’s time for me to close these parentheses.) 

ANYWAY. The TARDIS translates meaning, but it’s bound by the limitations of language. People aren’t communicating mind to mind, they’re using mouths or the alien equivalents as slow-moving and impractical conduits for thoughts. (I’M NOT SAYING THAT I EMPATHISE WITH THE TARDIS I’M JUST SAYING SOMETIMES I WANT TO MUSH MY BRAIN AGAINST YOUR BRAIN SO WE DON’T HAVE TO MUCK ABOUT WITH ALL OF THIS CONVERSATION MALARKEY.)

So here is my jumping off point. What does the TARDIS do when someone says a word with no equivalent in their conversational partner’s language? I’m no longer talking sort of gaps in understanding, of not quite being able to use the right emotive term, I’m talking turning to an ancient Egyptian queen and saying, “reversing the polarity of the neutron flow”. 

What does she hear? 

Because to her, what you’ve said is a series of sounds. The TARDIS can’t give her an equivalent word, so it presumably just lets her heard the words untranslated. Think about it. You haven’t just started saying a series of unfamiliar words in her language, you’ve gone straight off the deep end and started casually speaking a different language mid-sentence. Imagine if you were in a life-or-death situation and I was giving you instructions on how to get out of there. I’m your only hope of survival, and then suddenly I look at you earnestly and start speaking German. Fucking hell, that’s terrifying. “Don’t panic, we’re going to get you out of there. Just take a deep breath, focus, and küssen mich sanft.” 

WHAT? 

“You can do this! I know you can! Take my hand, and küssen mich sanft.”

SHITTING HELL. WHAT’S GOING ON? I’M GOING TO DIE. I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW YOU WERE BI-LINGUAL. (INSERT TORCHWOOD JOKE HERE.)

And the TARDIS just waves its hands at you. “Sorry, my bad! Your culture hasn’t invented the warp drive, yet. I’ve got nothing. Here are the raw materials, good luck!” 

Which brings me to my next point. What are the raw materials it’s giving you? And I would argue: 

It’s Gallifreyan. You’re speaking Gallifreyan. 

Now, don’t panic. Just have a little think. The Doctor always says that the TARDIS translates for you, but he never says what it translates into. We all assume English, because the show is produced in English, but who is the main character of Doctor Who? It’s a Gallifreyan man with a Gallifreyan machine. Why would the Time Lords make a machine for their own personal use that translated everyone’s language into everyone else’s language? I would argue that the TARDIS is designed to translate everything to and from Gallifreyan. 

“But why do I hear English?” Because the TARDIS translates meaning, silly. It gives you the gift of Gallifreyan, but the only way it can make you understand what you’re saying is by using the rudimentary language tools available in your head. It couches meaning in the terms it knows you can understand, but its primary function is to make sure that Time Lords can understand you. It gives you the gift of Gallifreyan, and you never even know that you have it. 

In fact, I think it’s likely that you speak Gallifreyan for the rest of your life. 

LET’S HAVE SOME FACTS. The translation matrix is a telepathic field that somehow rewires your mind. It functions for as long as the Doctor is alive and well. (We have seen that if he is incapacitated the circuit ceases to work.) But most importantly, it works regardless of your proximity to the TARDIS. How? 

Throughout the canon of Who, there are repeated references to the latent psychic abilities of humans. It’s referred to as an untapped part of the brain, but multiple Who monsters have accessed these abilities, so I think we can assume that they’re more like an unexercised part of the brain, rather than an inaccessible one. That is to say, even a fully grown adult could potentially use this part of the brain. It seems likely, then, that it’s this part of the brain that the translation matrix roots in, creating a localised psychic field. From then on, you are a walking, talking meaning-projection machine. Any language that enters your psychic field translates its meaning for your ears. Anything you say to someone within your psychic field translates its meaning for their ears. No one would ever notice that you weren’t speaking their language. And this carries on for as long as the Doctor is alive, no matter what time period he’s in, whether you’re inside of the TARDIS or not. 

I would argue, then, that from the moment people step inside the TARDIS and allow the translation matrix into your mind, you are permanently rewired, ‘til death do ye part. People who speak Gallifreyan never speak their native language again.